Sometimes depression is that bruise
you wake up with in the morning.
That random scratch on your knee.
You don’t know how it got there,
but you know that it hurts.
You know that it broke the skin,
that was trying to hold you together.

A crack in your calm exterior.
You ask yourself, “How can I be getting worse?
How can I be getting worse
when I’m trying so hard to get better?”

Maybe it’s a million little weights weighing on you.
That boy you never really got over.
That girl who gave you a dirty look.
It’s always the little things isn’t it?
The little things that keep you going for another day.
You keep looking for signs that today’s not the right day to die.
Well for today, this is it.

Sometimes you don’t know why.
You don’t need to know why.
Let yourself heal.
It has to hurt before it gets better.

My friend tells me not to just sleep off my problems
and avoid them, because I did that for two weeks.
Every day I put them off and every night
my demons come back stronger.
I’ve got to learn that it’s okay to acknowledge what I’m feeling.

I have realized that my darkness is not a part of me.
The empty cavities in my body do not show up
black in black and white photographs.
They glow.

When I open my mouth to laugh,
fireflies found their way into my belly.
The best friends gave me soil as lovely presents.
The boy who called me beautiful kissed seeds into my mouth.

Emptiness does not have to be dark.
Turn on the lights.
Let yourself be illuminated.
You have space.
Space means you can grow new things.

If it’s of any consolation,
I’ve just realized the other night
that you can’t drown in your tears.
Maybe we cry oceans
so we can learn how easy it is
to float in saltwater.